New York, NY - It was discovered yesterday that New York is, indeed, the center of the Universe. Pooling the resources of the American Astrophysics Association, NASA, and We Are The World (NYC, that is), the four-year study analyzed the gravitational pull of the Universe and other factors. "So?," asked Mike Spano, 23, from SoHo, "this is news? I've been telling everyone this for years." Dr.John Smithberg, PhD, from WATW(BTI), said, "When I earned my degree, from NYU, I knew that proving New York City was the center of the world was my calling." The study used advanced analysis tools on the data from the Hubbel telescope. They were able to calculate, based on astral rotations, that the gravitational pull of the Universe was centered around New York City. As with many studies this one is not without controversy. Based on the data it seems unclear whether Wall Street or Broadway is the actual center. From some numbers the exact center seems to be Broadway and 34th Street. Other numbers indicate the small deli shop on Wall and Rector. "Who doesn't know that New York City is the center of the world'" Sammy DaBull, 21, from the Upper East Side asked. "All my friends agree with me!" The study also added that there is no need for people from NYC to know about anything outside of New York. It explains that, while it helps to be aware of The Jersey Shore and Miami, there is no need to know where such states as Louisiana and Canada are located. |
